


I Won't Give Up

by justforirishx



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Depression, Eventual Smut, F/M, M/M, Protective Liam, Protective Louis, Self Harm, Smut, Suicide Attempt, background Larry, basically just liam being his usual adorable self, caring liam, larry - Freeform, relationship liam, sappy liam, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-10
Updated: 2014-02-17
Packaged: 2018-01-08 06:01:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1129178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justforirishx/pseuds/justforirishx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>Lacey Tomlinson had given up, she’d made her decision that she didn’t want to live anymore. Her brother had gone out for the day, she thought her plan would be flawless. Little did she know her soon to be knight in shining armour would walk through the door just in time. Will Lacey ever forgive him for foiling her plan or will she finally get her way or will Liam be his persistent self and give Lacey a reason to stick around? </p>
</div>
            </blockquote>





	1. what my mind will always see

**She sits in her room, words full of pain filling her notepad and her wrists dripping with blood onto the pages. She was too far gone to save but there was one person who wanted to save her – the person with the voice of an angel and muscles and the heart of gold.**

**Lacey**  
 _Have you ever seen the world through my eyes, all the hurt and angst that engulfs it makes it so incredibly unbearable? Have you ever felt the feeling of the razor on your wrist? Have you ever seen the blood trickle down your wrist and almost feel the red stain your skin? Well I have, and I don’t know how much more I can take because it’s slowly killing me but if I take this way – it will be the quickest way to go. No one will have to listen to my woes or hear my cries. No one will miss me, happiness will surround everyone again and there will be no more hurt to those I love.  
If someone finds me before I die, please don’t take me to the hospital and try and save me. See the beauty in the world sometimes it just fades away. Lacey Tomlinson _.

I folded the note I had written and placed it on the desk in my room with _To whoever finds me_ written on the front. I started to feel queasy and my head started to spin. I sat on the floor in the corner of my bedroom and looked down at my wrists and watched the blood trickle down to my fingertips and onto the floor in tiny droplets. My breath became shallow and I felt myself starting to pass out. I heard the faint sound of someone calling out my name but before I could make out who it was, everything went black.

**Liam**  
I went into Louis and Lacey’s apartment to collect a book for Louis and I saw Lacey’s car parked out the front so I knew she was home. I let myself in and called out to her, but heard no reply. I looked in the lounge and she wasn’t there. I checked the music room in case she was writing music but she wasn’t there either. I went to the door of her bedroom to find it open, I knocked and all I could hear was laboured breathing. I went into her room and found Lacey sitting in the back right hand corner with blood trickling down her arms and her eyes closed. She was still breathing but had passed out. I picked her up, grabbed the note I saw out of the corner of my eye on her desk as well and carried her quickly out to my car, forgetting about the book.  
As I started the car, I opened my phone and pressed Louis’ name in my favourites and put it through my loudspeaker as I began to drive, trying not to let my emotions get the best of me.

“What’s up Liam?” Louis asked as he answered the phone. “Can’t you find it?”  
“Lou, meet me at Royal London Hospital. I just found Lacey bleeding out in her room.”  
“What?”  
“She tried to kill herself. I’m taking her to the Emergency room now.”  
“I’ll meet you there.” Louis said his voice shaking before he hung up. 

I glanced over at Lacey who was still only just breathing and sped towards the hospital which was five minutes from their apartment. “Come on Lace, hold on for me baby,” I whispered, feeling tears in my eyes.

When I pulled up at the hospital, I carried Lacey up to the front door of the emergency department and called for someone to help me and two doctors came out with a stretcher and then put Lacey on it and wheeled her inside. I followed them inside and gave them any information I had. I told them how I had found her, tears really starting to overcome me now and they handed me a clipboard of forms and told me to go and sit while they tried to save her. Within five minutes of me sitting down, Niall, Harry, Zayn and finally Louis came running into the Emergency department and found me sitting on one of the chairs.

“What the hell happened?” Louis asked.  
“I found her in her room when I went to get your book. She was breathing but she had passed out, there was a fair bit of blood Lou. I didn’t know she was depressed.” I sighed.  
“Hey Liam, I didn’t know either and I’m her brother. Did you find a note?”  
“Yes, here.” I said passing Louis the note I found. “I haven’t read it.”  
“Can you read it for me?” Louis asked.  
I opened the letter and began to read, “Have you ever seen the world through my eyes, all the hurt and angst that engulfs it makes it so incredibly unbearable? Have you ever felt the feeling of the razor on your wrist? Have you ever seen the blood trickle down your wrist and almost feel the red stain your skin? Well I have, and I don’t know how much more I can take because it’s slowly killing me but if I take this way – it will be the quickest way to go. No one will have to listen to my woes or hear my cries. No one will miss me, happiness will surround everyone again and there will be no more hurt to those I love.  
If someone finds me before I die, please don’t take me to the hospital and try and save me. See the beauty in the world sometimes it just fades away. Lacey Tomlinson.” I finished now a sobbing mess along with the rest of the boys.  
“Why didn’t she tell me?” Louis questioned. “I thought we told each other everything. Haz, Nialler, Zayn? Did she tell you anything?”  
“No Lou she didn’t and if she did we would have told you. Louis, you need to sit down. There’s not much we can do.”  
“No! I need to see her.” Louis said going over to the nurses station with Harry right behind him to see if he could go and see Lacey.

“Liam, are you okay?” Niall asked me with a hand on my shoulder.  
“I just got a shock finding her. You know how much she means to me.”  
“Hey you seem to have found her just in time,” Zayn reassured me  
“Hopefully,” I sighed wiping my eyes.

Lacey and I had become close in the past six months because she came on tour with the boys and I. She would sit up with me when I was writing songs and do writing of her own, she would challenge me to Play Station games, make me dance when I was upset, talk me through times when I was stressed and just be there for a cuddle. To say I had feelings for her was an understatement but with her brother being one of my best friends, it put her pretty much off limits. Finding her passed out and bleeding was the last way I wanted to see her, she was always the strong one out of the two of us, she knew I self harmed but I was too worried about my own problems to see she was hurting. I always thought she was too strong to be upset.


	2. what my mind doesn't want me to see

**Louis**  
Lacey Jay Tomlinson is my little sister and from the moment she was born, we were joined at the hip. She’s two years younger than me – making her nineteen now. We did everything together, football, music, drama classes and we even shared a room until we she was twelve and she said that cause she had boobs so she needed her own room. We moved in together in London when X Factor finished, at first Harry joined us but eventually he ended up getting his own apartment next door to us. Lacey ended up doing her GCSEs by correspondence and passed with flying colours especially with her English, Photography and Drama subjects. We had just got back from the Take Me Home tour and we had been busy doing Midnight Memories promotion so I hadn’t been spending as much time with Lacey as I should have. Usually she would talk to Liam or myself if she was feeling upset but she was usually so upbeat and happy. I guess even the people closest to us have their own secrets.

The doctor told me I could sit in with Lacey while they tried to stop the bleeding and give her blood transfusions. Seeing Lacey lying there, as white as a ghost was heartbreaking. I sat there silently sobbing wondering what the hell to tell my mother! 

An hour later, they had stopped the bleeding and had Lacey on oxygen and were giving her a blood transfusion. Lacey was asleep so I went out to tell the boys she would be okay. Harry was pacing about the waiting room, Niall was tapping away on his phone, Zayn was asleep on Liam’s shoulder and Liam was looking really upset.

“Lads, she’s going to be okay. They’re giving her a blood transfusion. Liam have you got her information all filled out for me?”  
“Yeah Lou, there’s just a few bits for you. Other than that, this is yours. Can I go in and see her?”  
“She’s asleep, but sure. I need to call Mum and tell her what’s happened anyway.”

 **Liam**  
I patted Louis on the back and asked the nurse which room Lacey was in and made my way there. When I entered, like Louis said, she was asleep. She looked as white as a ghost in comparison to the usual tanned complexion she had. I went over to her and kissed her forehead. 

I then sat down next to her and just watched her and spoke softly to her.  
“Lace, we’re supposed to tell each other everything. I’m sorry I didn’t see you were upset. I could have helped you.”  
I started to sing her favourite song – They Don’t Know About Us. When we were on tour I used to find her humming it when she didn’t even realise. Louis wrote it and Lacey was the first person to hear it. 

I don’t know how long I sat there for talking and singing to her and holding her hand but I felt her stir and I looked up at her and her eyes fluttered open.  
“Lace! You’re awake.”  
“No! No! Who the fuck saved me Liam?” she yelled.  
“Lacey settle down.”  
“Didn’t anyone read the letter? I. Did. Not. Want. To. Be. Saved.”  
“For your information Lacey, it was me who saved you.”  
“Just go Liam,”  
“No! I’m not leaving you on your own.”  
“GET THE FUCK OUT PAYNE.”

I stormed to the door but turned around and said to Lacey, “I saved you because I care about you. Any of us would have saved you. But Lacey, you’re more than just a friend to me. You know you can talk to me about anything so when you’ve calmed down and aren’t so angry at me for saving your life… contact me and tell me everything because you know I’ll listen and do anything I can to help.” I then walked out the door. I passed the nurses station and told them they might want to sedate her or get a psych assessment because she was really torn up about me saving her.

 **Lacey**  
Before I woke up, well before I opened my eyes, I could hear someone talking and it sounded like Liam. He was singing different songs and telling me he hoped I was okay. I prayed in my head this was just heaven or my subconscious shutting down. 

When I opened my eyes, I saw Liam looking up at me with a smile and he seemed happy for me to be alive. I completely lost it at him, I didn’t want to be saved! My letter clearly said that. Liam and I would tell each other nearly everything when we were on tour but there was one thing I hid from him – I’ve hidden from everyone even Louis.

I sat in my hospital room, sobbing. I looked at the bandages on my wrists and the IV in my arm and felt so tempted to tear it out. But I hate needles, the feeling of them going in and the feeling of taking them out. So I decided to just shut my eyes and try and wish myself dead.

“Lacey, sweetheart,” I heard a female voice say. I opened my eyes to see a nurse standing next to my bed.  
“How are you feeling sweetheart?”  
“I don’t want to be here. Please just let me die.”  
“Lacey, there are five very upset boys sitting outside. There are people who want you to be here. I’m going to give you some Valium to calm you down and when you’re feeling a little bit better, probably tomorrow, we’ll have a psychiatrist come and talk to you okay?”  
“I don’t want to talk to anyone. Why do you think I wanted to die? No one needs to listen to my misery.”  
“Lacey, you’re a beautiful girl. Sleep on it honey and in the morning maybe things won’t seem as bad,” the nurse said handing me a couple of little white tablets and a cup of water.  
I took them and put the tablets in my mouth and swallowed them with the water.  
“If you need anything Lacey, just press the buzzer on your bed remote and someone will come and see you.”  
“Thanks, what’s your name sorry?”  
“Callie. I’m on nightshift tonight so if you need me just sing out.”  
“Can you get my brother Louis to come in here? I have something to tell him.”  
“Sure.”


	3. what my mind can't hide

Louis  
When Liam came out of Lacey’s room, he looked really shocked, upset and angry.  
“Liam, what happened?”  
“She yelled at me, told me she didn’t want to be saved. Lou, something is really wrong with her.”  
“Liam why don’t you go home with Nialler and Zayn, get some sleep. I’ll stay here with Haz in case anything happens. I promise I’ll call.”  
“Lou, I don’t want to leave Lacey.”  
“Liam, you had a big day. You need some rest too.” I said giving him a hug.  
“Just call me if anything changes okay?”  
“I promise.”  
“Come on Liam, you can stay at mine tonight if you want.” Niall offered  
“Thanks Nialler,” Liam replied with a sad smile. 

When the lads left, Harry went to get me a coffee and I went to sit in with Lacey who was now sedated but still awake.  
“Lacey baby, how are you feeling honey?”  
“Sleepy Lou. I don’t want to wake up again.”  
“Munchkin, what happened to make you want to kill yourself?”  
“I don’t want to worry you Lou-Bear. You have enough to worry about at the moment,” Lacey said before shutting her eyes.  
“Lacey…”  
“I’m going to sleep, don’t wake me up.”

I sighed and sat in the big chair next to her bed and Harry came in to join me and sat beside me and handed me a cup of coffee and kissed my cheek.  
“Lou, you need some sleep baby. Sleep on my shoulder.”  
“You just gave me caffeine babe. I don’t know how much sleep I’ll get.”  
“Well when you’re tired.”

The next day I woke up to the sound of a nurse talking to Lacey and I looked at my watch – it was 9am. How did I sleep that long? Harry wasn’t beside me. I rubbed my eyes and smiled at Lacey.  
“How did you sleep Lacey?” I asked.  
“Good.”  
“How’s she doing?” I asked her nurse.  
“We’re going to get her to sit down with a psychologist and psychiatrist and we’ll go from there. What do you think Lacey?”  
“If it means I can get out of here then okay.”  
“Lacey, if you talk to the psychologist or psychiatrist you may or may not have to stay here. It depends on what they think.” The nurse replied.  
Lacey sighed.  
“Can I just have some time with Louis?” she asked.  
“Sure, oh and by the way Louis, Harry said to tell you he went home to get you a change of clothes and some breakfast and he’ll be back soon,” the nurse said.  
“Thanks.”

When the nurse left the room, I got up and sat on the edge of Lacey’s bed and held her hand.  
“So are you going to tell me why now?” I asked with a sad look on my face. “I’d really like to know so I can help.”  
“I don’t know what you can really do to help Lou Bear. I didn’t even know what to do.”  
“Just tell me what happened Lace, stop treading around it.”  
“It’s not like anyone can do anything about it now anyway.”  
“For fuck’s sake Lacey Tomlinson! Just tell me.” I exclaimed now getting frustrated.  
“When we were in Australia – that night in Melbourne when I was in St Kilda drinking in pubs with backpackers…” she said, tears starting to form in her eyes. I had a feeling I knew the end of what she was going to say next.  
“I met a cute guy, he seemed nice and he bought me a few drinks and we got talking. I never told him who you were, he just thought I was another English backpacker. Anyway after a few drinks I started feeling tipsy and not drunk tipsy either. Next thing I remember is waking up in a room naked. Thankfully still with my clothes, wallet and phone but he was gone.”  
“You had a one night stand and that’s why you committed suicide? I’ve had one night stands before and I haven’t wanted to fucking kill myself afterwards.”  
“You don’t get it Louis! He fucking drugged me and raped me and left me there! I knew you wouldn’t fucking understand. Get out.”  
“Well why the hell didn’t you tell me before now?”  
“Because I knew you would have reacted like you did just then and blamed it on me. Also, guess what… I’m pregnant.”  
“I’m sorry what?”  
“That’s right Louis I’m pregnant. The nurse told me this morning and I don’t know what to do.”  
“We’ll work it out, Mum is coming into town to come and see you today. We don’t have to tell her yet if you don’t want to,” I replied. 

Holy crap, my sister is pregnant with her rapist’s baby. What the hell am I supposed to do as her big brother? Personally I’d like to bash the guy’s head in for what he did to Lacey but I know I can’t do that. All I can do now is just be there for her and support whatever decision she makes about the baby.

“Please don’t tell the boys I’m pregnant, not until I have decided whether I’m keeping it or not.”  
“Okay hun but you know the lads will support you with whatever decision you decide to make.”  
“Thanks Louis.” She smiled weakly.  
“I’m sorry about what I said,” I replied standing up and kissing her forehead. “I love you.”

The psychiatrist came in later in the day and I left Lacey to talk to him and went to pick up Mum from the airport. The whole way there I was trying to think of what to tell Mum but part of me wanted her to talk to Lacey herself. Mum and Lacey always got on and were always close. 

As I pulled up to the pickup point at the airport, I took a big deep breath in and spotted my Mum waiting. She saw my car and waved. I stopped and popped the boot for her to put her suitcase in. When she got in the car she leant over and kissed my cheek.

“How are you Boo Bear?”  
“Stressed out Mum, I’m really worried about Lacey she’s in a really bad way.”  
“Why what happened? Did she tell you her reasoning as to why she did it?”  
“You’re not going to like it Ma,” I said as we drove away from the airport.  
“Can you tell me please?”  
“I don’t think it’s my place to say Mum. You need to talk to Lacey about it.”  
“Louis you have me worried. Please do you know why she tried to kill herself?”  
“She… she was raped when we were in Melbourne.”  
“How could you let that happen Louis?” she exclaimed. “I trusted you to look after her.”  
“Mum, I can’t keep watch on her 24/7. She’s a big girl and yes I should have been out with her that night but I have to make her believe that I trust her. Mum she’s a good kid, this isn’t her fault.”  
“Louis, what else is happening?”  
“She’s pregnant Mum.”  
“Oh the poor thing! I’ll have a chat to her when we get to the hospital. Has she talked to Liam about it?”  
“No, she doesn’t want the boys to know until she makes a decision but I promised her I would stand by her whatever she chooses to do Mum.”  
“We all will.”

When we got to the hospital, Mum went in to talk to Lacey so I sat outside and waited for Mum to finish talking to Lacey. I went through the messages on my phone and checked my Facebook and Twitter. News had gotten out that the boys and I were at the hospital but there had been no word of why. I didn’t want it to get out. Lacey was known by the fans and was always really good with them but her issues didn’t need to be known to the public. It’s hard enough for her to deal with on her own.


End file.
